Reflection and Reframing

 This week I sat down and talked with my girlfriend to learn more about her childhood/background. I knew that she was white, from Nebraska, likes cats, is nonreligious, but I wanted to see how she got to the place she is today. Here is what I gathered from our conversation.

I asked her about where her values came from. She said that most of her values and beliefs come from her family-her mom and dad, older sisters, grandparents and close friends. As she's grown up, she's heard certain things from society and has had to choose whether or not to adopt them or not. I can understand how some of where your values come from is a combination of people close to you, society, and your own thoughts and opinions.



When I asked how important her values were to her, she stated that the things she cares about are extremely important. Knowing that she is a very intelligent individual, she normally likes doing things her way because she thinks it's the best way. Many times I feel this way too, and I've come to accept that just because I want to do something a certain way, it's not always the best way for everyone.

I just want to take a second to say that this girl is with me all the time. We know everything about each other and love each other's company. I make up for her shortcomings and she makes up for mine. Hearing about her thoughts and ideas always makes for great conversation. We sometimes have disagreements, but we've both agreed that talking through the situation and understanding each other's position is healthy regardless. No one has to change their mind about it, but when forced to explain your position, it helps you determine why you feel that way and all the little experiences in your life that brought you to that conclusion.

I would say that in the past I have not respected people's positions in some situations before, because the answer always seemed so clear to me, based on the information I had and how I interpreted it. I have since learned that many times, in a dispute, neither party may be right or wrong, but have heard different stories and have had different experiences. When you shift the scope and framework, the reasons behind why someone feels the way they do is completely justified.


This exercise was worthwhile, sure. I can see how adopting this strategy when talking to anyone who is different from you can prevent you from closing up and not being as accepting or understanding just because they don't think exactly like you.


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